The Spooky Spooktacular - The Long of It

Miss Sugarpuss and Miss Lee were in a dark and scary undisclosed location. They had no idea what was going to happen to them. Trembling with fear they shrieked when Accountant came strolling in, letting them know he wanted to go through their receipts at the Home for Wayward Girls. The Ladies also noticed that Accountant had a very nasty dog bite and with the full moon was rising he seemed very antsy. AHHHH! It was also terrifying!

Back at the Home the Girls were getting ready for Halloween. While it may have been a festive time of year, no one had forgotten their dire financial troubles. Miss Lee called for Olga to bring her her tonic. She was not feeling very well. The Boobiskian cook entered in a flutter and told them that she had been sensing evil spirits in the Home. They brushed her off when suddenly there was horrendous noise that came from the basement - the furnace had died. This got Miss Lee thinking - if there were ghosts then the Home could be declared a heritage site and they would have tax free status. Miss Sugarpuss declared that the scary noise then was most certainly a ghost and sent the Girls off to look for documented proof of ghostly things. Miss Lee, not feeling well, as if there was someone else in her body, took another dose of her tonic and went off with Olga to rest. This left Miss Sugarpuss alone and thrilled with the idea of tax free status. She danced and stripped thinking about the joys of money.

Next, we found Luci Furr searching for ghosts. She came across a huge spider web. Intrigued she examined the spider within in it and ate it! This caused her to undergo a sensual transformation where she communed with the web and became one with it, ultimately getting trapped just as a masked figure came up behind her and strangled her!

Olga found poor Luci Furr's dead body and screamed. The Ladies and the Girls came running in. Miss Sugarpuss declared that it must be murder and ordered everyone to barricade the windows and doors to keep the murdered out of their house. Which of course made perfect sense!

Afterwards, Olga sat alone knowing that no ghost or spirit could have done this horrible thing to Luci Furr. She decided to make the Tonic of Truth in order to have a vision and determine who was the murderer. Little did she know that as she danced around and stripped that the masked figure snuck in and poisoned the tonic. Olga died in a gurgling heap on the floor.

Later, Miss Sugarpuss and Miss Lee discovered Olga's corpse. They were in shock so they rolled her out and had some shots of liquor to ease them out of their state. The shots affected Miss Lee most oddly and she became a bit snappy, pinchy and just plain bizarre. She kept switching back and forth from her effervescent normal cutesy self and a manic, bite-y nutjob version. Then Miss Sugarpuss got a call from Accountant saying he'd be over soon to go through her box - errr boxes. There were wolves howling in the background, but this did not trouble Miss Sugarpuss. She has happy to have something else to do and leave Miss Lee alone in hope that she would calm down and return to her bubbly, drunk self. But this was not to occur. Miss Lee stripped down to her skivvies in a dark and moody knife dance. The room went dark. There was a blood curdling scream. Miss Lee had been stabbed in the throat with her knife!

Intermission

The dead were propped up in chairs. Those remaining, Miss Sugapruss, Lola Lamb and Tiny Tease stood by looking at them. Everything was fine. The doorbell rang and everyone was sent into a panic. Well, those that were living. There was no time to hide the bodies so the Girls covered them up with boas and hats. Miss Sugarpuss answered the door. It was Accountant. He seemed furrier than before and acted most ravenously. Miss Sugarpuss sent him to the basement to do his work when all of sudden Miss Lee got up and wobbled around the room. Miss Sugarpuss was ecstatic. She thought Miss Lee had simply drank too much. She asked her if she wanted any food to sop up the booze. Miss Lee moaned, "Brains". Hmmmmm. Not really drunk anymore it seemed. Just dead and a zombie. Though poor Miss Sugarpuss was obliviously in denial. She went to dispose of the two other dead bodies and left the Girls to play cards with Miss Lee.

As they sat playing Gin Rummy (heavy on the gin , they were out of rummy) the talk turned to the creepy things that had been occurring in the Home all night long. During their conversation Miss Lee fished out some brains from her purse and ate them. The Girls, pushed to their limit, freaked out and left. Miss Lee zombie-ly chased after Lola Lamb and Tiny Tease declared that she would get out of this crazy, scary house dead or alive.

She danced, stripped and tried to find a way out. The masked figure came at her with a knife and she threw her clothes at him hoping to distract him. It was hopeless. He lunged at her and she grabbed the knife and stabbed herself not wanting to give him the satisfaction!

Lola Lamb finally got away from Miss Lee. She was tired of ghost hunting. She didn't think there were any ghosts to be found. She decided to take a bath to relax. She stripped down and took a soak in the bubbles. Little did she know that the masked figure was behind her. He snuck in and dropped a hair dryer into the bath tub, frying poor Lola like a lamb chop!

As the dead Lola lay in the tub Miss Lee entered the room. She stumbled around longing to eat Lola's brains. Disappointed in discovering that she was already dead Miss Lee stripped and did a zombie dance before finally giving into the temptation. She ate Lola's brains. They were freshly dead which was better than no brains at all. Then they left together - two zombies hand in hand.

Meanwhile in the basement, Miss Sugarpuss and Accountant looked over the files. Though Accountant was more interested in Miss Sugarpuss' sumptuous bottom. They exchanged some witty reparté and then when the full moon had risen Accountant completed his transformation into a Werewolf. He chased Miss Sugarpuss about the room as she tore of her clothes. She did not realize that he did not have romantic intentions until it was almost too late. Finally she came to ehr sense and shot him with gun that had a silver bullet.

Back in the parlor the group of the dead burlesquers as well as the masked figure sat casually - the Girls were playing cards, Miss Lee was reading a book and the masked figure was telling anyone who would listen (no one) an obnoxious story of his producing accomplishments. Suddenly Miss Sugarpuss stumbled in. The group pretended to be dead. She looked away. They sat up. She looked back. They slumped over. She looked away. They sat up. She looked back and caught Lola Lamb very much alive and well. A-ha!

She demanded to know what had happened! The masked figure revealed himself. He told her how he was a slick reality show producer and sought out Miss Lee to showcase the Home for the show THE AMAZING HAUNTED HOUSE EXTREME MAKEOVER: MOUNTAINLAND EDITION. Realizing that everyone she thought was dead was actually not she asked if that meant she did not just kill Accountant. Well, Miss Lee and the Girls knew nothing of that, but then Accountant came bounding in and all was well. Suddenly the Producer's cell phone rang. He took the call in his obnoxious manner and was told that the show had been canceled before it had even been aired. All this mischief was for nothing! He left thanking them for letting him see them naked.

Of course, Miss Sugarpuss was enraged by all this deception. She turned to Miss Lee and the Girls in a threatening manner. They shivered and quaked in their stockings. She declared that she would have her revenge. The next money making scheme would be done her way! It would be the best moneymaking scheme there is! The moneymaking plan that has proven time and time again to be the MOST exciting, MOST thrilling and MOST lucrative! They would put on a good old-fashioned variety show!

And you can see how that all goes down in part three - The Cocktail Hour - on November 10th.

Sweet Dream Soirée - The Long of It

For Miss Sugarpuss and Seska Lee, the proprietors of the Home for Wayward Girls, the Sweet Dream Soirée ended up being a night that was more nightmare than pleasant dreams.

It all began with the Ladies coming home after a long day of shopping. When Miss Lee pressed Miss Sugarpuss for the details of their financial situation she did all she could do to try to assuage her, but Miss Lee persisted. Suddenly, the Girls came running in screaming hysterically, as Miss Helga, the Cook and Cosmetology teacher, chased them around in a bloodied housedress, brandishing a large knife and sparkles. She had been trying to teach them some esoteric art form from her native Boobiskia, but found the Girls rejected her efforts. Frightened and despondent, they huddled around their mentors, wanting comfort, until Miss Helga, in a fit of rage, finally left the room.

Miss Sugarpuss decided it was best to lighten the mood by declaring it Random Day and asked that someone bring out the Random Wheel. Two Husky Girls brought it out with much fan faire and the Ladies spun it to find out which random inebriant would be consumed. It landed on Liquor and so Miss Lee decided it should be Schnapps time! Her Schnapps is very dear to her and she enjoyed it in her ritualistic way with Miss Sugarpuss and the Girls.

Afterwards, Miss Sugarpuss felt it was time to be a little responsible and told the Girls they should do some chores. All of the Girls except for poor Lola Lamb snuck out and so she was left to wistfully engage in some boa folding on her own. After she was finished Miss Sugarpuss and Seska Lee returned to find that the boas were absolutely everywhere and they were so impressed with her progress. As Miss Lee tidied them up she noticed a Hat Box and asked Miss Sugarpuss what was in it. She evaded her questions until finally sitting on the Hat Box and squashing it. She could no longer pretend it was not there so she claimed that the box was filled with fan letters from her many prolific fans. This was when Luci Furr came running in. She needed to confess that she had been keeping a secret from them, that she was not who had claimed herself to be. Luci Furr was in fact in league with the Devil and to the Ladies’ amazement exposed them to her devilish ways.

The Ladies were left stunned. At this moment the doorbell rang and the Postman entered. He had some mail to deliver. Miss Sugarpuss frantically took it and sent him on his way. Miss Lee, curious, asked to see the mail, but Miss Sugarpuss assured her that it was all fan mail for her with only one for Miss Lee. Excitedly, Miss Lee exclaimed that it was a fan letter of her very own and she called the Butler to bring her some more Schnapps and her ‘ back massager’ so she could read her letter in private. After she left Miss Sugarpuss grabbed the Butler and begged him to help her get rid of all the bills, which we discovered were hidden all over the Home. He refused and they tussled, leaving the envelopes to spill out everywhere. Devastated Miss Sugarpuss cried hysterically and fell to the floor.

The Girls heard her cries and came rushing in. Miss Sugarpuss regained her composure and asked them to help her pick up her ‘fan letters’. She declared that the Girl who picked up the most would win her Diva Moment of the Day. As the Girls wrestled over the envelopes, the two Husky Girls entered and began taking photos of the entanglement, finally getting pulled in by the others until Marianne Cheesecake was on top of them all and was declared the winner. She enthusiastically claimed her prize and had her Diva Moment of the Day.

Later Miss Lee returned to the room and picked up some envelopes from the floor. She was surprised by how many ‘fan letters’ Miss Sugarpuss had received from the Utility Company, the Telephone Company and the Bank. As she looked through these ‘fan letter’s the Husky Girls entered the room giggling over the photos they had taken. Miss Lee noticed them and a little troubled by their unfeminine appearance asked them to show her what they had learned in burlesque duo class. They hesitatingly obliged and Miss Lee was left in an even more troubled state. Thankfully, the other Girls returned and joined Miss Lee in the next activity of the evening – Conga Line.

A few moments later Miss Sugarpuss sauntered in drunk and depressed. She decided to tell them a bedtime story and then became very upset, yelping and crying about bills, before finally passing out. Miss Lee tucked her in and led the Girls away, promising to tell them about her vast collection of fan letters from Tycoons, Sheiks, and Dukes. When they were gone Miss Sugarpuss had a surreal dream about burlesque and bills, which in the end did not have happy ending. She woke up to find that all the bills were still there.

The Husky Girls came back in the room to clean up Miss Sugarpuss’ mess, discussing how fabulous it was at the Home and how no one was suspecting them of anything at all. Clearly they were impostors! Little did they know the other Girls had overheard them, but before the Girls could tell anyone about their discovery they saw that Miss Sugarpuss was gone. They were alarmed and cried out for Miss Lee to come quickly, which she did. After trying to soothe them she looked up to see Miss Sugarpuss attempting to sneak past them with her Hat Box stuffed with papers and envelopes. Miss Sugarpuss told them it was trash, but Miss Lee would hear nothing of it. Before Miss Sugarpuss could explain herself the Postman returned and quite diabolically brought them more mail – which of course was more bills for Miss Sugarpuss and even some for Miss Lee!

Miss Sugarpuss fell down in a fit and Miss Lee was shocked into a loss of words. After a slap to the face she spoke up and confessed that she too had been hiding bills. She opened up her dressing gown and they all fell upon Miss Sugarpuss’ quivering body. Miss Sugarpuss then realized that she no longer had to lie. She got up and embraced Miss Lee. They were so relieved but then they saw that even with their secrets out in the open they were still stuck in a predicament. They had no money – just all of these bills. Lola Lamb suggested they find some money on trees. Luci Furr said she could ask Mephistopheles for a loan. Marianne Cheesecake suggested they sell something. It was getting very complicated. Miss Sugarpuss and Miss Seska Lee asked aloud, ‘whatever shall we do?’